Website In Flames. Career Ruined.

January 12th, 2008

And all because of an ‘ooh’.

SEX ADDICTS - fear not, there is help.

January 12th, 2008

addiction_cycle.gif

Do you understand now? You sick, ill, vile, evil perverts.

The best description of an orgy. Ever.

January 12th, 2008

Written by a smack head SEX ADDICT.

Sorry, an ex-smack head SEX ADDICT.

The word “orgy” is undeniably an evocative one. It conjures up sumptuous images of delicate muslin drapes being teased by a breeze, Turkish music playing everywhere (in fact my whole orgy scenario seems to have been lifted pretty much wholesale from a Turkish Delight advert), nubile Nubian women entwined about each other like a Henry Moore statue, people decadently devouring grapes. I thought there’d probably be a sort of Swiss bloke with no irises or pupils in his eyes as well, just kind of staring. But what I got in a tower block in Hackney was people who looked like they were made out of Ready Brek, swathed in clingfilm, waddling back and forth with towels about their waists. And everywhere there was this intangible sadness, as if the orgy was being directed by Mike Leigh. I remember this woman came bustling out of a doorway when I first got there - she reminded me of my mum, which didn’t help - and said, “Just done my second . . . better go and rinse my mouth out.” Then a washing-machine repair man turned up - not as a guest, but to repair the washing-machine.

By Russel Brand. An excerpt from his book published in The Guardian.

A song we like by Blind Melon

December 23rd, 2007

called ‘No Rain’.

Picard loses the plot - CHRISTMAS RUINED

December 23rd, 2007

mental-picard.jpg

Almost as bad as this:

Nintendo DS My Word Coach Julie Walters & Patrick Stewart

Christmas ruined.

We’re not even going to allow it to stream directly.

Don’t knock perfection Picard and don’t share stage presence with someone who even makes ASDA adverts worse than we thought possible.

Positive Coverage in the London Review of Books

December 13th, 2007

Short Cuts - Manhunt 2 - LRB

Can only be a good thing. We commend John Lanchester for writing sensibly, respectfully, accurately, reasonably and thoughtfully. We think this makes a change.

Out of date now but still worth reading simply because it’s a thoroughly informative and pleasant article.

We will henceforth love everything John Lanchester has done and is doing always and forever.

Aleks in Bits Out Cycle Ride Mayhem

December 13th, 2007

An opportunity to see some naked people for free.

We went last year.

By accident.

It wasn’t quite what we were expecting. Mainly because most people were over 50, or under 50 and either overly proud about something we couldn’t work out, or just big boned. And by big boned we mean large framed. And by large framed we mean fat.

We like what Aleks is doing with her brain.

Lego Guns Mow Down Grandma In Rampage

December 10th, 2007

We can see the headlines already.

brickgun_imi_desert_eagle_wp_01_1280x1024.jpg

Gone are childhoods like ours where children used Lego for healthy creations like building space ships and bigger space ships and even bigger space ships.

04-the-fuck-o-matic.jpg

Decent laser cannon. Unnecessary wheel. Glad to see our fears weren’t justified.

WHAT WE WANT FOR CHRISTMAS

December 9th, 2007

1. Hannah Montana’s Spotlight

hannahmontana.jpg

Because it goes with our Hannah table cloth.

tablecloth.jpg

And our small paper Hannah cup.

cup.jpg

And our collection of 16 Hannah napkins.

napkins.jpg

2. Hannah Montana’s Jam

jam.jpg

Because it goes with our spotted dick and mince pies.

3. High School Musical

hsmwii.jpg

Because we’ve been asked to stop standing outside the gates one too many times.

And it goes with our bedroom.

our-bedroom.jpg

And the moderate-to-good balancing. This is how she hits the high notes.

510.jpg

4. Princess: Enchanted Journey

journey.jpg

Because of the possibilities.

the-possibilities.jpg

And the nice beaver.

beaver.jpg

It must be great to work at Disney.

Grand Theft Auto looks alright

December 9th, 2007

Again.

Not as many immediate references to bestiality this time though. We hope.

Probably a good thing.

We bet it will sell loads and be really popular.

Just like us.

gta41.jpg